The beginning:Stating your intention

Well, here we are. One of my spiritual teachers advised me to create a web site. I think that this is as close as I am going to get. I'm not sure what to say except that when I am not writing, my brain is going a million miles an hour thinking of amusing little quips that my ego claims I should be writing done somewhere, somehow.

Perhaps, though, it is my intuition, not my ego. Hmmm. I just assumed it was my ego because it seems so well, egotistical to write a blog as if anyone actually ever cared what your views on life and the world were. But again, here I am, as are many of my friends.

I will start with today. Melatonin meltdown day three as I like to call it. Thursday night I took 5 milligrams of melatonin. You are only supposed to take 2, tops. Not my fault though, I could have sworn that is what my doctor's email read. I read it many times and still come up with the same dosage. Decimal points must have dropped off somewhere in cyberspace.

So Thursday night after doping myself up and laying down for much need sleep, having not slept for weeks and weeks, walking as gently as I can through the kundalini fire, I began to wonder if this was it. The End. I could feel my whole body opening up and tingling especially my left side. The heart attack side. Will I die gently in my sleep TONIGHT? Will my husband take wonderful care our beautiful 2.5 year old daughter? Will I have to be guiding both of them from the other side? Oh what will happen?

I woke up. That is what happened. Extremely tired and depressed. I could barely function or move, but I managed to get my daughter off to school in the afternoon and myself to work for the night shift at the print shop. I can't remember any of it, just that I walked to get dinner because I was afraid to drive (and to get the adreneals moving). I don't remember too much about yesterday either, other than I was still completely out of it and had to keep Olivia occupied all day because her father was in school. Last night I started having trouble sleeping again, a hopeful sign that melatonin is wearing off, but again woke up irratated and depressed.

Olivia and I both had meltdowns this afternoon. Finally I just gave up, went and laid in the bed and started to cry. This is the beautiful part of the story. Olivia, my beautiful 2.5 year old daughter, completely stops her meltdown to take care of me.

"Do you need to blow your nose mommy? I will bring you a kleenex."
"Yes baby," I say. "Thank You"
"Mommy?"
"Yes baby"
"I will stop crying if you do."
"Ok, baby."

That was the end of Sunday Meltdown Mania. All was well after that. We, as one happy family proceeded to clean the house, play and talk without any more meltdowns, just because of the compassion of that little girl.

The melatonin seems to have left my body with that beautiful exchange. It is almost as if she healed me. and I healed her. Isn't that what parents and children are supposed to do? Take care of each other, love each other and recognize and respect when one or the other needs some compassionate love.

Blessings to you all. Thank you for reading