I stay home with my daughter
I have the financial and emotional support to do this
I have a large passive income
I am debt-free
I have a clean house
I make healthy meals daily
I am an active and well respected member of my community
I am a powerful spiritual leader
I have a lovely garden where I grow my own herbs, flowers, fruits and vegetables
I create beautiful art for myself and others
I am always learning and teaching
Friday, February 22, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Meltdown Mama #2
When Olivia was younger and began having temper tantrums, I would simply sit down and start sending long distance reiki to her. She does not like the hands on Reiki, I think the it's too much for her tiny little body.
Anyway, it is not so easy now. Two days ago, we were having fun at our friend Jane's house. Olivia was having a wonderfully amazing time. Her big girl friend Rachel was home from school, as well as her little friend, River.
About half and hour before time to go, I started giving Olivia her warnings.
"Olivia, time to go in 1/2 an hour"
"Olivia, time to go in 15 minutes"
"Olivia, time to start packing up and heading out"
She was whimpering and whining a little, but gave friendly goodbyes to her second family.
As we were walking out the door, I mentioned that there was candy chocolate at home for girls who were sweet on the drive. She was very excited about the candy chocolate and still fine, until about 15 seconds later when the light switch went off.
There was screaming and crying and hollering, and while she did let me get her in her car seat rather peacefully, she howled all the way home.
"Mama Jane!!! I want Mama Jane", she screamed all the way home. Well, she clearly was not being sweet.
Finally we get into the house and she remembers the candy chocoloate.
"Mama", she sobs, "I want candy chocolate".
"I'm sorry, baby, you weren't very sweet on the way home"
Then the real tantrum starts. Screaming and hollering for Mama Jane and candy chocolate. I begin my usual ritual of sending long distance Reiki. I keep doing this, along with projecting pure love and golden white light, and telling her that I loved her to much to argue with her.
Finally, I realized that another switch had gone off. She was over the top. She could not remember her reason for her tantrum and was crying uncontrollably.
I sit down on the kitchen floor, the room we happen to be in, still projecting thoughts of love and Reiki energy. She climbs into my lab sobbing. I sit there and hold her, just rocking back and forth, whispering quietly in the back of her head, "I love you" over and over again. She sits in my lap, slowly calming down, pinching my elbow, (something she does to help her feel secure) sobbing less and less. Finally a few minutes later she gently asks for a bottle and television, which I lovingly give to her. We sit down for an episode of Raggs.
All is right with the world.
This is one of the best moments of my life.
Blessings to You.
Anyway, it is not so easy now. Two days ago, we were having fun at our friend Jane's house. Olivia was having a wonderfully amazing time. Her big girl friend Rachel was home from school, as well as her little friend, River.
About half and hour before time to go, I started giving Olivia her warnings.
"Olivia, time to go in 1/2 an hour"
"Olivia, time to go in 15 minutes"
"Olivia, time to start packing up and heading out"
She was whimpering and whining a little, but gave friendly goodbyes to her second family.
As we were walking out the door, I mentioned that there was candy chocolate at home for girls who were sweet on the drive. She was very excited about the candy chocolate and still fine, until about 15 seconds later when the light switch went off.
There was screaming and crying and hollering, and while she did let me get her in her car seat rather peacefully, she howled all the way home.
"Mama Jane!!! I want Mama Jane", she screamed all the way home. Well, she clearly was not being sweet.
Finally we get into the house and she remembers the candy chocoloate.
"Mama", she sobs, "I want candy chocolate".
"I'm sorry, baby, you weren't very sweet on the way home"
Then the real tantrum starts. Screaming and hollering for Mama Jane and candy chocolate. I begin my usual ritual of sending long distance Reiki. I keep doing this, along with projecting pure love and golden white light, and telling her that I loved her to much to argue with her.
Finally, I realized that another switch had gone off. She was over the top. She could not remember her reason for her tantrum and was crying uncontrollably.
I sit down on the kitchen floor, the room we happen to be in, still projecting thoughts of love and Reiki energy. She climbs into my lab sobbing. I sit there and hold her, just rocking back and forth, whispering quietly in the back of her head, "I love you" over and over again. She sits in my lap, slowly calming down, pinching my elbow, (something she does to help her feel secure) sobbing less and less. Finally a few minutes later she gently asks for a bottle and television, which I lovingly give to her. We sit down for an episode of Raggs.
All is right with the world.
This is one of the best moments of my life.
Blessings to You.
Monday, February 11, 2008
I've been thinking about Ego. What does ego mean in a spiritual life? I've been told you shouldn't have one or let it take you over. Well, here is my deal.
My ego is hungry. It wants to be fed. Why can't I sleep? because EGO is rolling around like a hungry caged animal saying feed me, I'm starving. So here is what I am thinking. It is ok to feed your ego, just don't overfeed it, like any other part of you or your life.
I need to change jobs. My spirit says so, my body says so and my ego says so. I need a job that feeds all of these parts of me and my family too. I need a job that will allow me to be home with my daughter more often than not. There is no negotiating on this part. I will raise my daughter. There is a reason we become mothers and fathers and that is to RAISE OUR OWN CHILDREN. Somehow a balance must be reached and I will do this.
I need a job that feeds my ego and my creativity. I need to be in charge of something--projects, etc. I need a job that is nearby and allows me to work from home. Did I metion that already?
Here is the part that is hard to spit out. I need a job that will pay ME, my ego-self, a lot of money. I mean a lot. I'm worth it.
This is what my ego says.
"Feed me, I'm hungry. I am a part of you, too."
I am saying,
"Ok, you shall be feed on my terms. You will not take over my life."
Somewhere there is laughter.
Oh dear coyote up are you up to some old tricks?
Always a lesson, right.
My ego wants to write some more, and I am saying it is time for bed.
Balance. Good night.
My ego is hungry. It wants to be fed. Why can't I sleep? because EGO is rolling around like a hungry caged animal saying feed me, I'm starving. So here is what I am thinking. It is ok to feed your ego, just don't overfeed it, like any other part of you or your life.
I need to change jobs. My spirit says so, my body says so and my ego says so. I need a job that feeds all of these parts of me and my family too. I need a job that will allow me to be home with my daughter more often than not. There is no negotiating on this part. I will raise my daughter. There is a reason we become mothers and fathers and that is to RAISE OUR OWN CHILDREN. Somehow a balance must be reached and I will do this.
I need a job that feeds my ego and my creativity. I need to be in charge of something--projects, etc. I need a job that is nearby and allows me to work from home. Did I metion that already?
Here is the part that is hard to spit out. I need a job that will pay ME, my ego-self, a lot of money. I mean a lot. I'm worth it.
This is what my ego says.
"Feed me, I'm hungry. I am a part of you, too."
I am saying,
"Ok, you shall be feed on my terms. You will not take over my life."
Somewhere there is laughter.
Oh dear coyote up are you up to some old tricks?
Always a lesson, right.
My ego wants to write some more, and I am saying it is time for bed.
Balance. Good night.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The beginning:Stating your intention
Well, here we are. One of my spiritual teachers advised me to create a web site. I think that this is as close as I am going to get. I'm not sure what to say except that when I am not writing, my brain is going a million miles an hour thinking of amusing little quips that my ego claims I should be writing done somewhere, somehow.
Perhaps, though, it is my intuition, not my ego. Hmmm. I just assumed it was my ego because it seems so well, egotistical to write a blog as if anyone actually ever cared what your views on life and the world were. But again, here I am, as are many of my friends.
I will start with today. Melatonin meltdown day three as I like to call it. Thursday night I took 5 milligrams of melatonin. You are only supposed to take 2, tops. Not my fault though, I could have sworn that is what my doctor's email read. I read it many times and still come up with the same dosage. Decimal points must have dropped off somewhere in cyberspace.
So Thursday night after doping myself up and laying down for much need sleep, having not slept for weeks and weeks, walking as gently as I can through the kundalini fire, I began to wonder if this was it. The End. I could feel my whole body opening up and tingling especially my left side. The heart attack side. Will I die gently in my sleep TONIGHT? Will my husband take wonderful care our beautiful 2.5 year old daughter? Will I have to be guiding both of them from the other side? Oh what will happen?
I woke up. That is what happened. Extremely tired and depressed. I could barely function or move, but I managed to get my daughter off to school in the afternoon and myself to work for the night shift at the print shop. I can't remember any of it, just that I walked to get dinner because I was afraid to drive (and to get the adreneals moving). I don't remember too much about yesterday either, other than I was still completely out of it and had to keep Olivia occupied all day because her father was in school. Last night I started having trouble sleeping again, a hopeful sign that melatonin is wearing off, but again woke up irratated and depressed.
Olivia and I both had meltdowns this afternoon. Finally I just gave up, went and laid in the bed and started to cry. This is the beautiful part of the story. Olivia, my beautiful 2.5 year old daughter, completely stops her meltdown to take care of me.
"Do you need to blow your nose mommy? I will bring you a kleenex."
"Yes baby," I say. "Thank You"
"Mommy?"
"Yes baby"
"I will stop crying if you do."
"Ok, baby."
That was the end of Sunday Meltdown Mania. All was well after that. We, as one happy family proceeded to clean the house, play and talk without any more meltdowns, just because of the compassion of that little girl.
The melatonin seems to have left my body with that beautiful exchange. It is almost as if she healed me. and I healed her. Isn't that what parents and children are supposed to do? Take care of each other, love each other and recognize and respect when one or the other needs some compassionate love.
Blessings to you all. Thank you for reading
Perhaps, though, it is my intuition, not my ego. Hmmm. I just assumed it was my ego because it seems so well, egotistical to write a blog as if anyone actually ever cared what your views on life and the world were. But again, here I am, as are many of my friends.
I will start with today. Melatonin meltdown day three as I like to call it. Thursday night I took 5 milligrams of melatonin. You are only supposed to take 2, tops. Not my fault though, I could have sworn that is what my doctor's email read. I read it many times and still come up with the same dosage. Decimal points must have dropped off somewhere in cyberspace.
So Thursday night after doping myself up and laying down for much need sleep, having not slept for weeks and weeks, walking as gently as I can through the kundalini fire, I began to wonder if this was it. The End. I could feel my whole body opening up and tingling especially my left side. The heart attack side. Will I die gently in my sleep TONIGHT? Will my husband take wonderful care our beautiful 2.5 year old daughter? Will I have to be guiding both of them from the other side? Oh what will happen?
I woke up. That is what happened. Extremely tired and depressed. I could barely function or move, but I managed to get my daughter off to school in the afternoon and myself to work for the night shift at the print shop. I can't remember any of it, just that I walked to get dinner because I was afraid to drive (and to get the adreneals moving). I don't remember too much about yesterday either, other than I was still completely out of it and had to keep Olivia occupied all day because her father was in school. Last night I started having trouble sleeping again, a hopeful sign that melatonin is wearing off, but again woke up irratated and depressed.
Olivia and I both had meltdowns this afternoon. Finally I just gave up, went and laid in the bed and started to cry. This is the beautiful part of the story. Olivia, my beautiful 2.5 year old daughter, completely stops her meltdown to take care of me.
"Do you need to blow your nose mommy? I will bring you a kleenex."
"Yes baby," I say. "Thank You"
"Mommy?"
"Yes baby"
"I will stop crying if you do."
"Ok, baby."
That was the end of Sunday Meltdown Mania. All was well after that. We, as one happy family proceeded to clean the house, play and talk without any more meltdowns, just because of the compassion of that little girl.
The melatonin seems to have left my body with that beautiful exchange. It is almost as if she healed me. and I healed her. Isn't that what parents and children are supposed to do? Take care of each other, love each other and recognize and respect when one or the other needs some compassionate love.
Blessings to you all. Thank you for reading
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